In love with a memory

something to ponder over that I got from talking to sze the other day.

In love with a memory of you

I wonder how many of us are actually living in delusion, clinging on to what used-to-be. Memories that get blurred and zoomed in on the parts we cherish and cutting out everything else. I suppose humans tend to be rather extreme with their opinions and memories, often remembered as really bad, or really good.

Sometimes I wonder, yes, yet again, where the line starts to smudge between tenderness, fondness, love, endearment, delusion, fantasy, egotism. (Actually, perhaps a few of those words don’t exist, but you get my drift). Memories of moments when you gave, when you received, when you were delighted, when you made someone happy.. Perhaps too much reminiscence gives them a dangerous added quality of romanticism.

Just look back, and remind yourself how you really truthfully felt at that time. What you genuinely believed (and probably still believe in) about the whole situation and what could have been, harsh though it might be. Reconcile yourself with that deep conviction you have which your memories love to cast doubts upon. Move on, because what could have been is now what will never be – and for a good reason, too.
And stop letting your mind play tricks with the past.

On another note, the past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind.
I feel caught up, carried and pushed along, occasionally able to twiddle my fingers and exercise some form of demi-semi-autonomy, but in general  just too busy too busy too busy to actually enjoy the ride.
There are just too many things to do. I’m not talking about leisurely outings; not talking about gatherings and catching ups; not talking about a real holiday with brainless mindless relaxation.
I feel a little like Dorothy trying to find Toto in that typhoon.

Maybe that’s not a very good analogy, I don’t know, never read the book (though I have listened to it being read). But that’s exactly how I feel inside. Right now.

So so so many chores. It’s as if coming back was just to run one massive errand – like taking a grocery list and visiting a major confluence of malls as a contestant in the ultimate shopper reality show.

Boy am I tired.

Just lemme go home.

Advertisement