Dear God,
I wish I could say I was sorry.
I am really sorry. For not being perfect and white without sin. For not even trying. For giving up. For doubting and still doubting. For lacking faith. For selfishness. For unrepentence.
The modern world is a world with loads of excuses. Everything can be explained by science, well, almost everything. And this makes it seem as if it is justifiable. A gene for inheriting a bad temper, a gene for fidelity, a gene for greed, a gene for every possible type of sin we could name. “So it’s in our genes” has become a classic excuse, an excuse that nonchalently proudly announces the fact that we are not sorry at all. In fact, that we acknowledge our faults, and recognize them as a part of us, and take pride in having these flaws at all. It’s almost as if we boasted about them.
Perhaps, genes are a little extreme and futuristic. How about Hormones, then? Oh, it’s just puberty. Oh, it’s the time of the month. Oh, menopause, you know *nods and winks. Yup, and Men-opause too. Oh, she’s pregnant. Oh, mid-life crisis. Or Age? I’m old, old people are all like that, you know. But I’m just (inserts age here)! I’m sorry (no actually I’m not), old habits die hard. Whatever.
Dear God, I wish I could say I’m sorry for my sin, everytime I sin. But sometimes, the best I can manage truthfully is “I’m sorry for hurting You, God”. I’m sorry for not being sorry. I’m sorry for choosing to harden my heart because of pride, because I’m spoilt, because at times I think the world of myself and not so much of others. I’m even sorry for being this way.
But that’s just an excuse, Lord, and I need to be sorry for that too. And if it comes down to this, I might as well be sorry for being who I am, born in sin and guilt, unclean right from the start, sorry for my existence. But Lord, You formed me, You loved me, and how can anything You create be anything less than perfect?
But the Bible never said anything about being perfect. It never said anything about needing us to be perfect. All it said was “it was good”. Perfect, for God’s intended purpose – but that does not mean perfect as a whole, perfect in essence. “It was good”. Good, perhaps, is all we need ever be? Nope, it means, we are created to be good, to do good, to try to be good, and to strive to be good-er, ie, better.
We fell. We let sin into our lives, and Lord, now I need your help. I always need your help. Can’t be good on my own. Can’t survive on my own. Can’t even want to try on my own. God, help me please, right from the roots, help me to be sorry. Help me to be more sorry. Please, help me always to be sorry.
Genuinely, from my heart, may there come repentence, remorse, humility, brokenness. Dear Lord, I’m truly, sorry.
And thank You Lord, for You have already started your work in me. 
